TGIF

Is it weird to mix marmalade with yoghurt and digestive biscuits?
So out of my little degenerated cuuriosity I googled ways to deal with the 90 dollars I spent with two cans of 1kg Bella Vanilla (and I found out mine is reasonable when compared to someone putting walnuts and cucumber into their greek yoghurt with pepper) and indulge in the little colourful dynamic world with hunger games, the eccentric and electric legendary girl on fire jennifer lawrence, her amazement, stunning, outspoken personality brings out a magnificent analogy of female dominant heroic figure that casts/ underlying the whole series of blockbuster of Hunger games, mocking jays, sooooo famous and successful in a way that the writer and director of the screenplay is probably very well fed with all the ecstasy and wonders of the children .. all those gossips, appreciation turns out to be burst bubbles when the times went forward when we closed our eyes and fall asleep with all the unfinished jobs refreshing and creeping out of your subconsciousness, blaming your indifference altitude to all those laziness which results in endless loop of regret and remorse and frustration of not holding onto every drop of capital in your life. Interestingly, I though I can differentiate the line between entertainment and my real life, but then I start to realize I have no different with those kids who played video games for at least 4-5 hours a day. Even if - I was trying to figure out how to sort out some small detailed playbacks of the loosely disciplined classroom situation, with those negative challenging impulsive wordings from those monsters with no parenting and nurturing. I really wonder what they would become in the future. All those movie scenaries, graphic presentations, stimulation and mindmapping, creative thinking, radiative thinking, music, cafeteria, a warm coffee, some live music, a group of youth discussing planning chatting, exchanging thoughts on  travelling experience, drafting out and mapping out the experiences, eyesight we shared along in the journey. And to share the good memories and friendship with friends and people around the world. Though sometime I really feel there is a while that I feel disgusted with myself when I peep into others' profile on social network sites, (and sometimes comparing the social friends they meet, the countries they have ever visited, the perosna they developed by sharing their lives with their friends feeling particular jealous that they are social and seem to make friends with everyone. They seems to wear that confidence coat despite their normal appearance, it is their confidence that outshine their appearance and brings out the good qualities in their lives that I feel truly imcompetable: perfect family with gorgeous and encouraging parents, rather than the tiger and depressive mum, the financial security and the education background where everyone is respected and supported and everyone is connected with love in a unit. Each individual still shares their private room for self development and discovery. Each other has perfect communication  which prepare them to deal with any difficulty they faces. A secure family brings emotional stability and great confidence in children's critical development and it nurtures the children to provide love, curiosity, sensitivity to the details around them and build up the right world vision. Yet I am spending all my time waiting for that person to arrive and transform my life. Waiting that single guy is a very high stake. What if the guy doesn't exist? Or he is just a knucklehead who enjoys chasing girl rather than develop mutual trust and relationship? What if he will never appear? I bet I have to wait til christmas time and then I have to really let the idea go and to take the responsibility all by myself. Honestly I am not very confident as sometimes I feel defeated with facing with those people who are really proud and that makes me ashamed of myself. Isn't that a sickness? A depressive thoughts of compulsive thinking to comparing each of everyone's life to my own? And I am still holding the hope to couchsurfing daily conversations peeping through Doraemon's magic door to travel to another dimension to satisfy my ego and gain respect and gain from a man I love. And not the the man from the Istanbul kebab that grapped me a hot vegetables soup and remind me not to drink to much coffee and to take my pills after meal. Simply seeing his excited face when I approach probably is the most rewarding thing ever to prove my existence. Isn't it sad when the one you are waiting is not there? But someone else is giving you the warmth and you don't even want to receive or you just don't have to heart to deny it?

Aw and I just can't get away all those 24 students and their homework when I see them almost 3 hours a day. I am gonna miss them but right now I still have to do through all their learning schedule. Tenses, grammar, dictation, reading comprehension, worksheet designing, writing. phew. That is never an easy thing to be a teacher. even a student teacher. I knew that when I feel the tensed shoulders under the super thick izzue jacket. 此情無計可消除，才下眉頭，卻上心頭。