Showing your best side to the world

I am not shining a light on how to present yourself in the possibly best way, yet it is just a day by day reflection on little incidents that most people may find it trivial. I guess that's why it is from a different perspective. Skip it if you are not interested .. Found a random picture which brings some antique taste..

Incident 1:

Yesterday I talked to a kind friend of mine that I should learn a lot from her cheerful altitude
she told me that "You haven't seen the dark Annie. We should learn from each other."
That split second I was wondering what can others learn from me?
What are their impression about me, what is good about me, what is bad about me...
All those self improvement topics seem to appear constantly and haunt me again (even in nightmare)
I was really caught off- guard. Then my mind was blown away by the idea of having rugby with a group of english speakers/ bilingual players..

Similarly,
Incident 2:

Today I met a rather intimidating mentally ill girl (her appearance is very obvious), with her body always inclining me, stopping myself from talking on the phone and wanting to grab my attention for her. She was intruding in my own personal space by leaning towards me (in a very awkward and pretending that we were.. close) I told her that everyone was waiting and she had to calm down. Yet she seemed to take advantage of me taking care of her and she was making a request that "we stay together in line" to wait for the ticket lady at the counter .. I moved to the end of the queue despite her stopping. Luckily my mum appear soon afterwards and I avoided her staring at me. WHAT THE HELL IS SHE THINKING? Perhaps I could talk with her more.
But I didn't.

Incident 3:

I am really interested in photography. Was looking for information and that's some inner voice telling me to greedily take a gulp of all the introduction on it. All sorts of fantasy : to be a free lance photography who documents life and showing the world my perspective. Travelling, getting into every corner of the world. WHAT ELSE IS MORE FREE-WILLED OR ROMANTIC THAN THAT? I WANT MORE TIME WITH PHOTOGRAPHY- PHOTOGRAPHY IS MY LIFE!

Yet I was thinking I am not assuring myself enough. When the environment is not comforting me, I tend to blame myself :- I have told you already, but you are not always listening. (AH- right now I am blaming myself for distracted by EASON CHAN) Searched for a trustworthy shop yet stop by a phone accessory shop and got myself a battery charger for mum and I. Then went to the next level and attracted by different filter and that moment I just realized that there are a lot of cheap alternatives to photography gear and that's where I should get used to myself - for finding like (scavenger hunt) for things that might be necessary for making my OWN footage and I myself is the director and film-maker. Director Huang, by that time I could have my business, own car, big house .. dreaming) Sometimes I thought to myself whether I am procrastinating myself when facing the pile of assignments. I spent the last couple of days looking for film cameras. There is a wording that is completely true: Be careful of what you are dreaming, they would COME TRUE. Actually you can do it. Looking for schools abroad, you can do it! Why waiting when you can start it now?
I think I am never direct enough to set my requirements to other because I am not clear of what I want at time. Life is a maze and the most unbearable thing is the time you "lose" when you don't know where you should go.

Incident 4,
I was dying to have some pancakes and I scold my maid very outrageously that she did not inform me before I left home in the early afternoon. I realize I had a big temper and I should minimize it to zero and I should closely keep track on my "incidents" from time to time.


Should happiness be a tool to achieve something?

Perhaps I should seriously consider taking photography seriously.

I want to chase my dream, with all soul and heart and reach myself to a higher height.

Why depression? Am I an ego-conflicting person or I am destined to take that harder path?

Today is another night that I like to wear socks into bed :)