Make it mine

I am so excited now!

Feel like have made a milestone ...

for handing my application for exchange to universities in Europe (Sweden, Denmark and Germany)

Here I come...... :3

This time, I made my own choice,

decide my own fate,

I know it is risky for me as my classmates have all graduated and finding a job already

yet I decided to let my soul go for a trip, to explore the beauty in things,

to get lost. even in a place that I have never been to, nor heard of.

I have fantasy about all those romantic places, romantic people, romantic views,

good education, free willed students and high self autonomy students.

At the same time to reflect on my life in Hong Kong, 

to learn to take good care of myself and be good to people and stay happy and stay strong!

I know it is risky but I am lucky enough to hold belief to love what I do and do what I love.

So I chose the defer one semester of my study rather than holding regret for myself and wondering what is truly meaningful in what I have learnt.

"It is not the years of life you have, but the live in your years!"

YOLO

No matter what concerns there are, think of them as something to challenge yourself

and get prepared to fight, to speak up for yourself and don't regret.

I am living it up.

Feeling very complicated as I have never thought of really "leaving home for like half year"

and to purchase some studies that might be what I want to do in the future, design, arts, films, media, literature? They all seems very nice to me. So why do I need to chase after other's goal if that's not what I am really focusing on. Please don't live in dogma anymore,

go to see the world with your pair of glasses.

It is very interesting that I have been really going through a lot to break through my own wall and to actually seek for help through I did consider a lot before I open my mouth. 

What I lack is fath in myself and the strong will to prove myself to be correct rather than to 

"confirm you are clever or doing it right"

So don't be afraid to stand out from others.

Because everyone deserve to be happy and optimistic and courageous in what they believe in.

Have a believe and value in making the world a better place.

That's what you need to focus on.

Devote yourself 

your time

until the candle lights was blown away.

Don't settle if you haven't found it.

Stay hungry stay foolish.

Blank

People say baby is like a blank piece of paper
I feel that is not so true.
My case, people actually painted my paper from the very start
I grew up in relatives with male dominance
and girl barely has any social/economical status at all
There are relatives smoking and gambling and dirty that hazy chatting
propsosing plans to make money
and mum is like a timid objectified pearl being ignored at the corner
hiding her ego by the man she believed to be first love
washing pears breaking her arm without even one person to care
damn it.. I couldn't help it
She is a delicated lady with proper and the blood of a highly repected gentleman
And I am somewhat in between. Classy Noble lifestyle interests me,
coffee shop, western cusine and culture, I enjoy arts as much as reading literature
I don't notice that" it takes some personal experience to appreciate history and the pain and suffering of the mass in it)
yet I still capture some really unhealthy or coarse rough behaviour from my father who has an ego as big as a cow!
I enjoy fast food, beer, man figure as they look very masculine and that is based on the inequality between men and women. I think women are more armed by they dressed masculinely but that is not the case. A real lady can dress and act softly yet be strong by their stance .
All they have to support themselves is to preservere and keep the goal very clear in the head.But the very first thing they have to do is to care. Like to care means to connect yourself to the status quo of some critical issues in the world. Then you will have the courage and heart to follow the efforts that require you.

Mum chose to sacrifice herself but I don't think it is necessary she exerts a lot of expectation on me that I feel like I am living for suiting a particular purpose in life.
That's sad then because whatever I do, the satisfaction I get can never balance the guilt and shame in my traumatic childhood in which I had two major heart broken memories: my family's divorce and my ex-domestic helper's crime by stealing my grandparents' cautiously saved money.

But back to myself, what have I done to affect the family? If I am a failure when I feel there's a strong urge from me asking for my brother to break up with his strongly independent and (selfish) girlfriend? Would I be another "bad figure" or authoritive figure that somebody is gonna hate me for the rest of their life for me putting a dot on their white sheet of paper.

Is it good to be a blank piece of paper or is it easily to be stepped by some random people who don't know you at all or is it possible that you might meet the one and only one to paint your picture just for the same proportion, colours and depth of field?

:)

Has google saved me from thinking?

Right now I am in an indecisive storm. 

To go exchange or not to go exchange abroad.

To defer or not to defer?

To let guilt and shame bury my head in the sand?

I promise ..

If I get the opportunity,

I would not waste it

as I somehow believe I would be regretful if I don't take it.

And I would never make the same silly mistake every again.

But I still think I problem has a lot to do with anxiety, lack of motivation

as well as heavily reliant on computer for resources 

(without thinking ability but just type in the target information I want,

and wait for input and then?)

The process only keep my brain digesting information but without generating information.

If you want to achieve  your dream, you must think of how you can get there.

By visualizing your desire in your brain, you must think positive.

That's the only way you can learn.

And make sure you do productive things,

to scatter your mind and soul to do constructive and useful things please.

I have to prove you are wrong

That's enough, all the external expectation. All the teachers, doctors, consultants are giving me a bullshit on how I should discipline or behave (because that's the way the society runs) but while I have been trying to hide my explosive emotions inside. All I have in head is " Why can't adult just listen more? " You should go to the schools in Denmark/Sweden and like what my cousin did, they came there with a scholarship and they graduate with a master and then start the exchange to bla bla bla again and get a PHD. For me just the thought of it gives me personal head disorder. That's when I come to realise I need to scream
I don't give a fuck about my degree certification, all I want is chase my artistic dream, broaden my experience and horizon. I need to escape home and go to a new creative land (and just to live interesting people )where I find innovation and creativity everyday.
Paint and do what I like, neglecting what others think of me.
As they don't KNOW me.
Miss Ng has been telling me that my "noble mistress" does not fit to live in another country,
but I clearly know that's the only chance for me to prove myself right and to get rid of drugs and medication and focus on academics and my daily social life. Asian and Westerners are different I guess but I am ready.

I turned twenty two.
No big revelation,
I am afraid of getting old and being ignored.
Maybe that is the trait of my self-centerness?
Good morning birdies at Starbucks, floating candy floss in the air, awoken soul, thrust .
climbing the milestone
Captivating redefining creativity,
Justice, let the flow free me from converging and confined database/
Eternal Love be here and now.

Fishy

Poor fish, you are being hang there, aren't you supposed to be in the sea?

As I enter the age of twenty, I fear of lanterns because it means September, the month of Mid-Autumn and my birthday is near. When you should be bubbling freely in the deep blue sea, you are being lifted and lit up, just for the pleasing our audience.

Nonetheless, it doesn't matter because people can't see your tears.

Hiking from Tung Chung to Lantau

I am a little bit tired to ramble too long here. Even though right now my brain is filled with the details of the hike, the most significant ones are my headache from heatstroke, wounded ankles and half paralysed legs. I also admire my persistance throughout the trail and my urge for photography even when I can't stand still nor stay at peace with all the mental burdens like school, relationship, work etc.

Yet the beauty and familiarity in the nature boost my desire to move on, not to lag behind though it was mostly the case, when I was not ready for a steep, demanding hike. Meet some interesting people on couchsurfing and so far the experience is nice if I don't put all the blames on myself when I can't sort the discreprancies between my expectation and the reality. I need a day with a relaxing morning with books, movies, anything that doesn't demand working memories. But just sit there think about life, reflecting on my emotions. That's all good. My friend told me to award myself when I made an attempt. Right now I want a relaxed mind where creative grows and attracts more and more knowledge, like an organic tree. Everyday, treasure the moments and make the right choice.

I want an exchange in an Arts school.

My brother's curiosity

To me, childhood is hopeful, curious, pure and invigorating. Yet those properties fades when we we grow up. We "sorted" them into boxes for the hope of finding them in the future. We make up excuses only to pretend (to ourselves) that we don't have the time to search what we love. One day when those dusted boxes that appear from nowhere piled up and eventually block our ways, take off your glasses and look at the nature with you wide open eyes. Yes - the connection is still there.
                                                                   
                                                                       Love you brother.


                                                                                           

Hi Everyone!

My name is Mendy and I am a twenty-one-year-old student studying in Hong Kong. I am starting this post to share my daily life, including my dream about being a photojournalist, as well as interesting people, books or film that inspire me in my down to earth life. The name of the blog: My Buried life is related to the documentary called The Buried Life which is about a group of young guys fulfilling a list of To-do list before they die and I found it really fascinating.


I have a flickr account that I post relatively great pictures on. (www.flickr.com/reasthetics) It is a very general album that does not resemble a theme so it is not my portfolio yet. But I know the first 10,000 pictures I took would probably be the worst. No matter if I can capture that decisive moment that I am framing in my mind, the journey is so much fun and I definitely enjoy spending time on my hobbies during my break from the heavy schoolwork(I am in my final year now)!

Anyway I would be starting this new blog by a list of ten things that happened today.
1. Ran into a Guitar Class in a complete rush (chasing bus and taxi, yet finally we are late)
2. Was amused how great my cheap(yet cool) guitar sounds after tuning :)
3. Was feeling the pain of my fingertips when typing my shakespeare essay 9 hrs before handing it in
4. Made a new friend when waiting for my cappuccino (she is an exchange student from Switzland)
5. Was fascinated by a TIME article on the pursuit of happiness
6. Rediscovered a quote that can turn to be my motto in life: He who sacrifice freedom for security doesn't deserve either.
7. Discovered a funny fact about how to classify toxic mushroom ( there is actually a Mario Mushroom!)
8. Would be happy if IKEA can help me a 5 minute "Pick it for free" game (My room is in a desperate state to get a good look, so am I :X)
9. Had the urge to raise up my hand to answer questions even I am now a uni student.
10. Felt triumph of climbing the mount Everest when I shout out what the teacher wanted to hear.

That's it so far. Be good to people and have a happier day than yesterday!