If I am not wearing so many clothes,
I should not have felt so hot that I feel the warmth on my rosy cheeks

Or am I chasing the pain-less, rosy Maryland
where people are creative for their ideas,
no blaming, judgement or criticism
just a passion, and people understand the fear
of their ever changing delicate heart. (*pointing right at this tiny beating bumper)

Or am I just a little girl evading the reality
no more difficult words
no more glamorous or glorified reasons
I just want to chase for my handcrafted friend
Here tonight,
I am just bagging for some niceness, luck and love
in this christmas.

aussie random one

I feel something so right
doing the wrong thing.

Watching the video on scuba diving in cairns
although how hard I struggle to get through depression
and pull myself out of that comfort zone
with all unplanned events
spontaneous planning
random meeting strangers
leaving a mark in my strenuous exhausting days when it went by
when all I want to do is to pull my bedsheet over my head
thinking back my days in Australia is like an escape of the problems I have in Hong Kong
All the lovely sunshine, contrast with " you only hate the road when you are missing home"
All the chasing for bus schedule around reserve street, with all the un
expensive food at the cafeteria, all the amazing food hunting during late afternoon
all the handsome surfers at Bondi , cool skaters at campus (thou I nearly got to talk to that guy)
All the crazy road trip ideas start to ignite after I returned Hong Kong
and I blame my brother for his lost of direction and stuff.
I am missing all those sunshine dishes I spend half an hour washing everyday,
the banana toast I would prepare myself freshly every morning
The afternoon or night I would spend with my chinese sister
talking about cultural encounter is this strange place, talking about travelling plans,
and she would always back me up during my hard times
fish and chip near wollongong beach
that mysterious place where that islam girl help me chase my host family
that even the creative writing teacher knows a bit of it
he is scary.
I rmb I was panting before I knock his door
and I am not engaging for most of the lesson.
I feel like for most of the time I am wondering around
And we, brother and mother were passing by the beach,
just before I met his evil girlfriend
that my mood swing stops our from truly enjoying the seaview
missed that fish n chip show even when its just around the corner.
And I feel like over the years I have been keeping a lot of things to myself,
it's someone decent to share things with.

Today I was too free when I am commuting from Kowloon to new territories and back and forth
I searched the palm watching
and a good thing is that I can find a good marriage (thou maybe not the first marriage)
and the bad thing is that my fortune is life is very uncertain and not secured.

I am struggling today

when we spend our life to satisfy our gratification on our senses
is it still worth living in this encapsulated body
with layers of insulating fat with inches folds
or is it always better to devote yourself to some work
fuck off those monsterous industrious tedious streneuous
rope in one hand scourging
inspecting the problems like peeling onions

watching all those great businessman, educators spreading their educational philsophies
with high education, one degree in HKIEd  what does it garantee
wasting it on tedious worksheets design
hell
I want a better education now
all those endless whispers comparing
what is the life that I want
Rethink when I was a kid, I was to believe it is ok to have thoughts moulded or even manipulated
spending limited time
The sad shepard
sometimes the human

relationships cant be trusted

I think I am a bit sensitive. Should I blame facebook for stirring up all the bitterness and jealousy?

Oversaw* my friend (actually I don't know her well) 's status with a rather good looking foreigner. So out of curiousity I  clicked the name tag. Surprised/ disappointed to find out the foriegn guy is actually not mistaken. He truly exists. I was like wtf, but the girl itself is a bit chubby and she's not particularly ..hot or that very popular type. But then I tried to imagine all that relationship won't last long (omg thinking back I am so easy to envy others...) Though I found out they were in relationship publicly and they have some nice time together and the only word to describe is sweet. But my jealousy is burning me and never letting me go of the inferiority that I myself attached to. All the negatives like my body shape, depressive thoughts seem to be some of the list that I regularly blame myself. What am I actually doing when others are enjoying their youth? Enjoying relationships and squendering on their playfulness to all the newly met friends. While I was spending quite so time meeting random travellers from everywhere. Sounds like this plan doesn't work. And my plan of pushing through all the limits during my TP sounds unimportant to my self-improvement things. Though I just finished the roughly lesson plan. While the PP WS and reader WS just couldn't wait. The desire to shout out my name loud just can't be stopped. Stop yelling at meeee

*Journal on dream job for my dear students
*Filming project/ strangers project