My confession is

My confession is

I have never thought I would like it that way
bipolar can never be treated
Like my life my brain is spiralled and the moment u are addicted to thinking a lot
you once plan the plot to revenge
you are already tying a knot on the death note.

Maybe there is no use trying?
I feel weird the inner voice is draining out of me
why is the world acting all against me
where is the mercy of god.

All the memories are playing back
the unclassified stories in my life.
social anxiety
unchased dreams
betrayal and conflict
unrecognized dreams
unexamined choices
lack of articulation

feeling like you are living just to get a barely pass
just to catch up that last breathe.

CS meetup

Ha it turned out I didnt seem to be as courageous as I thought I was

What I feel desperate at earlier this morning

Damn. I hate it when I was shutting up my camera simply because I didn't have to courage to ask some strangers/friends for a shoot that I know would work well with all the composition. Yeah and its always easier to stay within your comfort zone. I have known it well for the rest of my lives. 
(feeling like a loser/the worst enemy is always yourself)
But, don't be depressed anymore.

The worst thing is to be absent in life. So grab your gear (possibly upgrade to a new canon set) and adventure a little bit, no turning back and with ten years later looking back, no regrets please Miss Mendy Huang

And woman is dependent on male on emotional support.
Now I seem to know how mum got to get the closest chair when the music stops
in the game of music chair for thirties something.

Twenty something do something. But how?
And no online chatting.

Repressed. snoitome

Model: Shandi Li
Photographer: Mendy

The girl is no longer lost in the city.
She finds where she belongs,
right under the sacred heart
in god's prayer -

I wouldn't have believed I was that motivated outgoing fun
until I met real friends which understand and being accepting
respecting gratifying interesting
I think I experienced love in world again

The girl gets lost in this city

Christmas ought to be fun, amazing, and all about partying
soon it passed without any signs
when the echoing jingle bells, all the fancy colourful decorations fades away
after the vague and luring commercial advertisement and the big crowds
with the social media showing pics of eat play love
I just want to bury my head under the bedsheets

That's the thing with writer 's blog
once you don't reflect,
you forget and it is not as easy to dig out all those small details
that add spices to your life,
as you live the repetitious life
the unlived life is not worth examined
you seem to forget the spark of life
all the loving, embracing altitude seems to be
no more than wordings from books
how can I tell a story on that?

If I am not wearing so many clothes,
I should not have felt so hot that I feel the warmth on my rosy cheeks

Or am I chasing the pain-less, rosy Maryland
where people are creative for their ideas,
no blaming, judgement or criticism
just a passion, and people understand the fear
of their ever changing delicate heart. (*pointing right at this tiny beating bumper)

Or am I just a little girl evading the reality
no more difficult words
no more glamorous or glorified reasons
I just want to chase for my handcrafted friend
Here tonight,
I am just bagging for some niceness, luck and love
in this christmas.

aussie random one

I feel something so right
doing the wrong thing.

Watching the video on scuba diving in cairns
although how hard I struggle to get through depression
and pull myself out of that comfort zone
with all unplanned events
spontaneous planning
random meeting strangers
leaving a mark in my strenuous exhausting days when it went by
when all I want to do is to pull my bedsheet over my head
thinking back my days in Australia is like an escape of the problems I have in Hong Kong
All the lovely sunshine, contrast with " you only hate the road when you are missing home"
All the chasing for bus schedule around reserve street, with all the un
expensive food at the cafeteria, all the amazing food hunting during late afternoon
all the handsome surfers at Bondi , cool skaters at campus (thou I nearly got to talk to that guy)
All the crazy road trip ideas start to ignite after I returned Hong Kong
and I blame my brother for his lost of direction and stuff.
I am missing all those sunshine dishes I spend half an hour washing everyday,
the banana toast I would prepare myself freshly every morning
The afternoon or night I would spend with my chinese sister
talking about cultural encounter is this strange place, talking about travelling plans,
and she would always back me up during my hard times
fish and chip near wollongong beach
that mysterious place where that islam girl help me chase my host family
that even the creative writing teacher knows a bit of it
he is scary.
I rmb I was panting before I knock his door
and I am not engaging for most of the lesson.
I feel like for most of the time I am wondering around
And we, brother and mother were passing by the beach,
just before I met his evil girlfriend
that my mood swing stops our from truly enjoying the seaview
missed that fish n chip show even when its just around the corner.
And I feel like over the years I have been keeping a lot of things to myself,
it's someone decent to share things with.

Today I was too free when I am commuting from Kowloon to new territories and back and forth
I searched the palm watching
and a good thing is that I can find a good marriage (thou maybe not the first marriage)
and the bad thing is that my fortune is life is very uncertain and not secured.

I am struggling today

when we spend our life to satisfy our gratification on our senses
is it still worth living in this encapsulated body
with layers of insulating fat with inches folds
or is it always better to devote yourself to some work
fuck off those monsterous industrious tedious streneuous
rope in one hand scourging
inspecting the problems like peeling onions

watching all those great businessman, educators spreading their educational philsophies
with high education, one degree in HKIEd  what does it garantee
wasting it on tedious worksheets design
hell
I want a better education now
all those endless whispers comparing
what is the life that I want
Rethink when I was a kid, I was to believe it is ok to have thoughts moulded or even manipulated
spending limited time
The sad shepard
sometimes the human

relationships cant be trusted